Need dating advice badly!

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Guesty

Need dating advice badly!

Post by Guesty » Thu Jun 06, 2013 4:03 am

So I'm not mentally healthy enough quite yet to date, but I would like some tips for when I do. I'm a total idiot who somehow didn't pick up any of society's courtship rules. Assume I know nothing.

So:
How does asking out someone work and when is it appropriate?
What are appropriate date locations?
How do I know if I have a chance with somebody?
How do I increase attractiveness to women? (I am lifting weights)
Where are good venues to meet them?
What should I do to avoid being "creepy?"
How do I determine if I or a potential partner is relationship material?

What are some body language signs that indicate interest or disinterest (I have asperger's so I can't read body language well).
What are good/bad topics on a first date, and how intimate should I attempt to be? How does a relationship progress?


If any of those questions can be answered that would be great. I'm tired of not knowing crumpets and I don't want to flail around aimlessly without a plan and be one of the "creeps" women talk about behind my back. Also, being alone is adversely affecting my mental health, although I'm not sure if I should be addressing that first.
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monkymeet
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Re: Need dating advice badly!

Post by monkymeet » Thu Jun 06, 2013 8:09 am

i'm terrible at dating and relationships but a couple little things i've learned from observing friends (also i really only date close friends, which has crashed and burned but i can't stop myself/ also, bi makes things complicated...)

movies theaters are bad. they don't help you get to know the other person. the only real exception for movies is maybe some crumpets b-movie that you can both make fun of at home (but that's a weird first few date). try to find a dating place where you can talk. i like fancy cocktail bars, but that's me

when and where is very dependent on the other person. some like impulse, some like super romantic situations

be yourself, don't fake a personality to impress then. if they're worth your time, they'll enjoy you for being yourself. otherwise, it's gonna bite you in the ass later in the relationship

confidence is very important. more important that looks most of the time. stylish is also good. (here's a thing though, fashion and style are different. fashion is what's popular in magazines and stuff, but its much more important to find a style that fits you. like, im a stick and can't wear clothing that emphasizes curves...)

i meet most people through friends, as i'm a kinda weird shy extrovert. when travelling i met people at bars, restaurants, museums, but i had the benefit of being a ditzy american tourist

uh things not to talk about: other girls, politics, religion. a good way to keep the conversation is to ask about them. throw in a few anecdotes about yourself, but make sure you ask about her.

how not to be creepy? i don't know how to really describe that. i'll think about it and post about that later :\
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Dan
Location: Saaff London

Re: Need dating advice badly!

Post by Dan » Thu Jun 06, 2013 11:27 am

How does asking out someone work and when is it appropriate?
Generally you ask someone out if you like them, generally after spending some time speaking or hanging out.

What are appropriate date locations?
Anywhere, man. You wanna be classy - take them to a nice restaurant; it's a lovely sunny day - chill in the park. Movies is another, but personally I'm not very keen on the idea. Hell, if you know they love natural history - take them to the natural history museum.

How do I know if I have a chance with somebody?
Well, firstly you have to be on there good side. Not gonna lie, but it's a difficult question to answer - I'll get back to you on it.

How do I increase attractiveness to women?
Well, main things I notice about women is that at the end of the day, it's mostly about your personality. Don't get me wrong, I hear too many stories from women about them creaming themselves over some guy's mad six pack or bulging arms, but from what I get, it's about confidence - they love it. At the same time, you can't be a greasy, unhygienic slob with confidence to get the gyals.

Where are good venues to meet them?
Bars, clubs, through mates, on the street.. I can't think of many places other than a Ladies public toilet tbh.

What should I do to avoid being "creepy?"
Well, I know how to make one appear less intimidating, which I suppose would help, and that's to crack a few jokes, smile. Most of all, just don't be awkward, relax and enjoy it (unless they're really fudge annoying). Oh yeah, and don't be too suggestive too quickly.

How do I determine if I or a potential partner is relationship material?
There's no way of knowing till you speak to them a fair amount. If you like them, you'll miss them and want to be with them.

What are some body language signs that indicate interest or disinterest?
Google has a field day with these kinda questions. One of the main ones from memory is that they will start the conversation when you're not hanging out, like they'll pop up on text or FaceBook. Another one, is that if you're in a group of friends, whenever she talks, if she's talking more at you, it may mean she likes you. HOWEVER, body language when it comes to women is quite hit and miss - there's no definitive one, because at the end of the day, she might have put you in the infamous friendzone.

What are good/bad topics on a first date, and how intimate should I attempt to be? How does a relationship progress?
Good: them, them, them. Big yourself up (not excessively, though) if you get the chance to, any chance to crack a good joke aswell. A thing I noticed about women, is that, you know you big yourself up, but in a jokey manner? Yeah, they like that.

Bad: what monkeymeet said, with emphasis on "other girls," they REALLY fudge hate that, especially if it's a 'first date'

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Narts
Rank: hey daddy-o

Re: Need dating advice badly!

Post by Narts » Thu Jun 06, 2013 12:52 pm

How not to be creepy #1: absolutely don't grope or otherwise touch strangers inappropriately. Respect personal space - I know this should be obvious but to a disturbing amount of people it's not. Don't be one of those guys.

That's something of an extension of the lesson, which I had to learn the hard way, that getting drunk is not really the best way to impress women, even if you think it gives you more courage to talk to them. Oh, one or two drinks should be fine if it's in a bar or a bar-like environment, or a party (where people expect you to drink anyway) but much beyond that will just mess your game. You may not be into alcohol and that's fine, but being under small influence really is a big help for shy people, which is why bars are popular I guess! But it's not for everyone.

Sadly, if you're a silent, shy introvert, there are going to be a lot of people who think you're creepy anyway. This is where it's good to remember the thing about "being yourself" - just don't be too yourself. By all means try to stretch your limits and go out of your way to confront your fears of talking to people, but there's no point in pretending to be an extrovert if you're not.

More about being yourself: Try not to bring up things like anime the first thing if you're not sure she's interested in that stuff - but on the other hand don't hide your interest in what you like either. You just might want to look at your hobbies and think hard about which ones of them are more "socially acceptable" and put more emphasis on talking about those instead. In any case talking to people in general is always a bit like personal marketing. You want to bring out your good side first, without downright lying about yourself. There's marketing and then there's dishonest marketing.

In any case I've learned that when people talk about being yourself, they don't really mean being yourself, which makes it a bit crumpets advice.

But yeah, beyond the obvious crumpets I'm not one to give much advice on this subject, but there's a site called Paging Dr. Nerdlove that I've found moderately helpful - that is, not really helpful at all but at least it's fun to read.

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Bonesy
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Re: Need dating advice badly!

Post by Bonesy » Fri Jun 14, 2013 5:40 am

dont stick it in her pooper without permission

ThunderWalker
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Re: Need dating advice badly!

Post by ThunderWalker » Fri Jun 14, 2013 7:18 pm

Bonesy wrote:dont stick it in her pooper without permission
BWAR HAR HAR HAR HAR.

However... inappropriate this trollish comment might be, it contains the truth, even if you don't take it literally. So many guys touch girls without permission and the likes. And it goes without saying girls don't like being touched by strangers.
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Narts
Rank: hey daddy-o

Re: Need dating advice badly!

Post by Narts » Fri Jun 14, 2013 8:11 pm

Eh? What's trollish about that?

In context, you are a more effective troll because you made me reply.

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Guesty

Re: Need dating advice badly!

Post by Guesty » Fri Jun 21, 2013 3:55 am

Thanks for the advice, people who answered seriously.

I still want more advice about how to be less creepy and how to be more attractive to women besides the obvious "go to the gym" (because I'm already doing that now), along with where I can actually MEET girls and talk to them (since I'm not 21 and don't have a fake and therefore can't go to bars or most clubs).
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hawkesnightmare
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Re: Need dating advice badly!

Post by hawkesnightmare » Fri Jun 21, 2013 7:06 am

Keep yourself clean. That is priority number 1. No girl wants to go out with a greasehead. I think the main place to find girls would be your school, if you are attending one. Other than that, though, I think you're screwed until you either get a fake ID or turn 21.
daisy: If the UK is worse than the present #5 in the world in terms of GDP come July 1st 2018 I will dye my hair pink.

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onewaystreet
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Re: Need dating advice badly!

Post by onewaystreet » Sat Jun 22, 2013 11:44 am

Join a club! You'll meet all sorts of people (and not just guuurls) that way
thefalman wrote:Honestly, just when I thought we could all have a nice topic about mocking ridiculously, overly hardcore fundamentalists, it has to turn into a religious debate.

You bastards.
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RadioShadow wrote:Including having SEX? :o
I know it's an alien concept to you RS, but there's no need to act so surprised.

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DieselPheonix

Post by DieselPheonix » Sat Jun 22, 2013 5:00 pm

Well Guesty? Have you left a trail of broken hearts in your wake yet?

ThunderWalker
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Location: Netherlands

Re: Need dating advice badly!

Post by ThunderWalker » Mon Jun 24, 2013 1:33 am

Note that going to a gym does not make you necessarily more attractive. It depends on the girl as well, and what kind of girl you actually want to date with. If you take ANY girl, yeah, going to the gym will work. If you don't, well, then the answer is going to be much more complicated.

In any case, you need to think about what kind of girl you actually want to establish a relationship with, and look for places where those girls are around. You can still find them anywhere else though, or actually fall in love with a girl that was not what you expected to fall in love with. Maybe it is just a matter of luck to find "the one".

Also, be who you are. You can't really change that. Monky and Narts already told everything in the matter.
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daisy
Rank: Crucified in the Great Meme War

Re: Need dating advice badly!

Post by daisy » Tue Jun 25, 2013 9:51 am

Not every girl is after a macho manly man with a six pack.

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monkymeet
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Re: Need dating advice badly!

Post by monkymeet » Tue Jun 25, 2013 10:07 am

it's a start, and it usually comes with confidence (which is the real important thing)

unless you're a sub that wants a domineering woman, but that's harder in this present day lol
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ThunderWalker
Rank: Elf
Location: Netherlands

Re: Need dating advice badly!

Post by ThunderWalker » Fri Jun 28, 2013 5:39 pm

daisy wrote:Not every girl is after a macho manly man with a six pack.
Obvously. Going to the sports school however works on your confidence much like Monky said.

Also, I have the impression we are all thinking in stereotypes. Not that it is a bad thing - it makes it makes the conversation about this particular subject so much easier.
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hawkesnightmare
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Re: Need dating advice badly!

Post by hawkesnightmare » Sat Jun 29, 2013 12:49 am

daisy wrote:Not every girl is after a macho manly man with a six pack.
Right. I mean, I of all people have a girlfriend, and I'm 140 lbs of bone, organs, and last night's meal.
daisy: If the UK is worse than the present #5 in the world in terms of GDP come July 1st 2018 I will dye my hair pink.

muramasa

Re: Need dating advice badly!

Post by muramasa » Sat Jun 29, 2013 10:59 am

Guesty wrote:Also, being alone is adversely affecting my mental health, although I'm not sure if I should be addressing that first.
I think you should address that first. From what i've learned so far, the more time you spend alone, the more creepy you become, Because
you have no social interactions with people.

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hawkesnightmare
Rank: Mister Lister The Sister Fister
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Re: Need dating advice badly!

Post by hawkesnightmare » Sun Jul 07, 2013 11:14 am

Then...What am I? I never go outside, save for getting food and other items, though I do have a girlfriend.
daisy: If the UK is worse than the present #5 in the world in terms of GDP come July 1st 2018 I will dye my hair pink.

ThunderWalker
Rank: Elf
Location: Netherlands

Re: Need dating advice badly!

Post by ThunderWalker » Thu Jul 11, 2013 8:24 pm

Life is pretty random at times.
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